The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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