I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
