Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
