you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think my vagina is haunted
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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