You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
