I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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