I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
