They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
