The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
