this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I could make wine with my vomit
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
