All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
