5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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