I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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