She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
