I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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