I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
