I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize