What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
