she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
