Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
