At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
