If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
