he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
