Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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