so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
