Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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