Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
