I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
