Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My balls are so social today.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize