WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
