I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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