im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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