yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
