I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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