i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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