I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
