I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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