Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
