3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
