You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
