If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How external is "for external use only"?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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