called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
