OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
