ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
