you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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