Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
is it fun? or sober?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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