It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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