Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
