My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
