mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
