This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
