I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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