I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
