She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
