I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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