Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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