Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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