i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He has the fingertips of a God
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