Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
