sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize