The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
